What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

Let me start by saying I am terrified of heights… of any kind. Not necessarily the being high part that scares me, but my warped mind always jumps to the fact that I could fall off and break my neck on something on the way down. Few of you know why I jump to thinking like that. So for the most part I can do things like flying or even being on a ferris wheel… but only the kind with the big round things that fit like 6 people at a time. That you don’t easily fall out of. We did a challenge course yesterday with other chili’s trainers. Yeah, I was stoked. Now this is the time that people “discover” things about themselves and push it to the limit. Well givin my first statement, I don’t want to tease you anymore. I certainly didn’t push it to the limit, I almost peed myself severaly times yesterday… so you can stop thinking this is a pump you up speech of any sorts. Sorry.

Now, there are people that think they are afraid of something like heights until they do something that proves otherwise. My dear Karel was terrified and she freakin jumped out of a plane. Of course she came out of it glad she did it and overcame that fear. If it involves heights, I am not that person. They made me crawl up like 2,000 stairs to the top of this telephone pole with a little platform big enough for the 5 of us and strap our harnesses to a freakin rope and tell us to “zip” down a cable to the other telephone pole thats sure to be my premature death. (Please sing Wild Horses at my funeral… that’s all I ask. Rolling Stones style not f’ing Sheryl Crow!) Of course once I’m up there I wanted down so bad… but the stairs probably would’ve been the worse of the two ways down… and really everyone included Rycki and David from the ropes course across the way cheering made me want to, so I did it. Surely there’s a picture of me somewhere looking utterly ridiculous. Now please don’t misunderstand me, I am glad I did it because I didn’t chicken out… but there was not a moment after that I thought “That wasn’t so bad!” I’ve done this many times in many different ways- roller coasters, etc. and never have any kind of epiphany like others do. So I guess here it is now… at least I did them.

That was a lot to get to what I really mean to get across. For the last few months my whole life has felt like a cross roads. I can go this way or that way. So I put it up to God and gave it to Him to put the right things in my path. I gave my all and tried one way to go, and its not going to work out. So here I go the other way… and I’m terrified really. But in a good way. I’ve been saying I’ll do it for a while… so now I put it up to you. Encourage me. Its funny how things just start working out when they are supposed to. I’ve been taking a mental poll from conversations and I’ve found that more people really do believe things happen how they are supposed to happen. I tell you, thinking this way and knowing that Someone bigger has my back has saved me a lot of stress and heartache. The biggest compliment I have received through all this is the I shocked a few people in the way I have handled this “rejection” or whatever… but I look at it as an easier way to get some things accomplished. I may come out of this wishing I never had in the first place, but I doubt it. I’m sure there are some “rubber chickens” (don’t ask) coming my way, but its cool. God’s got me. And I’ll see you Austin. Here I come. Any words of advice? Pearls of wisdom? Hook ups for a job? Hehe…