"Crazy Eddie's Last Hurrah" (Willy Braun)
(All right, kids, uh, I don't really know what you guys are going to think
of this. It's, umm, maybe a bit. OFF THE WALL, uhh? Fictional. So. uh, you
may not like it, but you'll find it amusing, at... at least.)
Well it sure didn't take too long
I woke up one mornin', she was gone
And the note that she wrote didn't say "Dear John"
It said, "Goodbye, sucker, I'm gone!"
She was a home-grown mountain girl
Raised in a different world
I was a wanna-be rocker, she was more into Merle
And I couldn't see it just wouldn't work
And now I'm double fisting longnecks
and grapefruit and Stoli
But I'm never gettin' over Jolie
Well I pulled myself in my car
I drove it on down to the bar
But they wouldn't let me in, 'cause I ain't a movie star
So I went to the Horseshoe on Lamar
The bouncer threw me out at two
And I didn't know what to do
So I picked up the phone and I called guess who
But the call block wouldn't let me through
And now I'm wishin' for some drugs
Or a shrink to console me
But I'm never gettin' over Jolie
Well I gathered up all of my guns
And a pipe bomb just for fun
And I drove to her house and parked on the lawn
She's right, I always was a crazy one
Well her boyfriend was sure nice to me
He said, Calm down, would you like a drink?
And then I shot him full of holes from his nose to his knees
And I polished off my little sweet pea
And now I'm cryin' on my knees, feelin' dirty and unholy
But I'm never gettin' over Jolie
Now I'll prob'ly get life and serve at least forty
But I'm never gettin' over Jolie
"Alice White" (by Willy Braun)
I took my lovely Alice White
Up on the mountain top last night
I picked her up there at the station
She never reached her destination
Pulled out my pistol and I shot her down
She ran out on me
Me and the boys, we all agreed
Yeah, Alice, you were always there for me
The sun was goin' down
We finished off another round
Red everywhere, red all around
I threw her body on the ground
Pulled out my pistol and I shot her down
She ran out on me
I shot her down, I shot her down now
Me and the boys, we all agreed
Hey Alice, you were always there for me
We had a real good time
She treated me so kind
She just gets better with time
Oh, Alice. what a fine red wine!
I pulled out my pistol and I shot her down
She ran out on me
I shot her down, I shot her down
Me and the boys, we all agreed
Old Alice, she was always good to me
Yeah, pulled out my pistol and I shot her down
She walked out on me
Shot her down, shot her down, shot her down now
Me and the boys, we all agreed
Hey Alice, you were always there for me (yeah yeah yeah yeah)